Good things come in 3’s, right? A BTL sandwich, Alvin, Simon and Theodore, 3 French Hens… And now we have the final instalment of Frank’s Nutts: the trilogy. And what a journey its been. There have been tears (mostly from me) dramatic action sequences (courtesy of Frank) and not to mention a plot line with more predictability than an Eastenders Christmas special.

Here’s the tally so far and bear in mind we’re only on Day 5 post op….

Monies spent on Elizabethan Collars: £36 (3 units)

Rolls of parcel tape used: 2

Visits to the Vets: 3

Scarred calves: 4

Wrecked hall walls: 2

Other dog walkers’ sniggers at Frank’s ‘accessorised’ collar: 2

Tipped over pushchair whilst toddler was in it: 1

Intense feelings of dislike when the Vet told me Frank’s got to wear the collar until next Friday: OFF THE SCALE.

Ok, so you get the message. Its been a tough few days. Why did no one tell us it was going to be this hard? It’s like having a newborn baby again. Everyone’s all smiles and encouragement but really they’re thinking ‘those 2 don’t have a fricking clue what they’ve let themselves in for. Lets catch up with them in a year’s time when they’ve got the hang of it.’

I can only hope Frank eases up on his assault and settles into wearing the collar (who am I trying to kid?) If he breaks this third collar, my husband suggested we create one ourselves using a baby swimming ring. I suggested that if he busts it we take him out to the A3 and leave him there. 

Next week does not bode well – a whole 5 days to get through before the collar comes off. Thank god for wine. And chocolate. 



Frank: Pretending to be asleep, all the while planning his next attack on the collar