There are some things in life which prove elusive – true love, the  elixir of youth, a solid grasp of the Matrix… (as my results of this quiz prove ). But none of these are quite so slippery as Frank getting his paws on an obedience rosette.

My husband took Frank to class this week and returned with the devastating news that four rosettes had been awarded, of which none had made it on to Frank’s collar. He dropped this bomb nonchantly as we were eating dinner that night and really didn’t seem to understand why I was so indignant at this injustice. And after outrage, came the questions. Oh, I had hundreds of them. And when I concluded the interrogation (which would have made Carrie from Homeland look like she’s on an even keel), by hissing ‘I bet that Shih Tzu bitch Lucy got one, didn’t she?’ He pointed out that maybe I was taking this all a little bit too seriously.

Nonsense. I just happen to think that Frank’s being treated overly harshly. We had one unfortunate incident with Sue (the trainer’s) fleecy gillet and she just wont let it go (a bit like Frank wouldn’t). And as for  ‘Labradoodle gate’  –  a  lucky escape for Dougal really  –  we’ve all agreed that it wasn’t actually Frank’s fault. There’s only one thing for it, short of a public enquiry into examination grades, and that’s to suck it up. I’ll leave it to Billy to summize: when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Oh and in case you were wondering, Lucy did get a rosette. Smug bitch.